A current of fear is raging in my soul.
It prevents the belief I’ll ever be whole.
My internal sorrow is rooted in shame,
Seen in the game of affixing the blame.
I fight to be seen as the one without error,
For allegations of fault bring me to terror;
I fear you’ll discover what I already sense,
“I am defective;” perfection is my defense.
As I point a finger and judge you for sin,
It’s my cover for the flowing fear within.
Shame screams to me, “I am defective,”
This becomes the source of my invective.
If I seem out of control and full of anger,
The one you love may become a stranger.
I’m struggling to grasp God’s truth of me,
To fathom how His grace can set me free.
God says I’m in His image and bear His grace.
I’m the apple of His eye. He’s taken my place.
He’d never come to die for one without worth.
Pray I find rest in this Greatest Love on earth.
It’s the demon of shame driving my inner fear,
Convincing me, “No way God holds me dear.”
When I come to believe God over my shame,
I’ll love you as is and end the blame game.
Wade Burleson
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I wrote the above poem about seven years ago. I hope it helps two kinds of people who hear it.
1. First, those battling shame and pointing the finger of blame at another person as the source or solution for the pain they feel within. Typically, I see shame in those who claim to be victims of narcissistic behavior. Psychologists tend to help wounded people recover by leading the wounded to blame others for the pain, and suggesting if “others” would change, healing within would come. In truth, only the love of God roots out shame and heals the wounded soul, ending the blame game..
2. Second, those who are having the finger of blame pointed at them as the cause of another’s pain. If you are that person, God calls you to love the wounded soul accusing and affixing blame on you for the woundedness and hurt in the accuser. At the same time, don’t take responsibility for “fixing” the wounded person. You can’t fix what’s broken in another. Only God can. Sometimes relationships fracture so that the one playing the blame game can realize God’s grace in Christ Jesus is their only hope for healing.
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Wade, for some reason this Post reminded me of a sermon our pastor preached a long time ago.
Before his sermon he went through the congregation with a microphone so people could hear their answers to three questions. (One lady’s husband had died the month before.)
I was wishing he had come to be because I was going to tell him: That’s between me and the Lord, and it’s none of your business!
His questions were:
Have you ever taken something that wasn’t yours?
Have you always told the truth?
Have you ever had immoral thoughts?
He started his sermon by laughing and saying: You see folks, we’re all a bunch of thieves, liars, and adulterers!
Christ, in His great mercy to us, helps us to put our stones down. That alone is the beginning of our own healing. He is able to show us that we are not ‘without sin’, when He pours out ‘the spirit of repentance’.
There is a kindness and a gentleness in His confrontation. But it is effective. If nothing more, we no longer carry around heavy stones to throw at ‘those other sinners’. We can, with His help, a healing process of ‘re-thinking’ our own situations with a renewed insight from His wisdom.
Sometimes healing can be painful,
but necessary.
The ‘hate’ stops. And something akin to loving-kindness can be possible again in a renewal of the spirit.
Great poem, Wade.
Wade, you never know with our cellphones, they could start ringing like mine did at midnight. It said:
Emergency Alert
BLUE ALERT ISSUED FOR TERRAN GREEN FOR INJURY TO AN OFFICER BY HARRIS COUNTY SHERIFF’S OFFICE. SUSPECT IS A 34 YEAROLD BLACK MALE DRIVING A BLUE FORD ESCAPE. TXLP:SVJ6590. TARRAN GREEN WAS LAST SEEN WEARING A GRAY SHIRT AND BLACK SHORTS. ANYONE WITH INFORMATION IS URGED TO CALL 9-1-1.
Google told me Harris County is in Houston, Texas.
REX RAY,
have you heard about the woman in Texas who has been charged with wanting to kill a judge?
sometimes I think the ‘hate’ rallies stirred up ‘crazies’ who begin by threatening law enforcement and the courts system and end with acting on those threats.
I call it ‘gang-related behavior’. There is plenty of it going on now, with gang members ‘doxxing’ jurors (publishing their photos and addresses) which most certainly increases the chances of the crazies going into action to ‘do their thing’ to ‘save America’/ ‘Make America great again’
my goodness, all this recent attack on law enforcement and on the courts is said by some to be the work of ‘patriots’, but I would like to find out what their goals really are . . . .. 4th Reich stuff, in my opinion, . . . the death of democracy and the rise of autocracy and dominionism?
I think MOST Americans stand by our law enforcement, our system of laws under the US Constitution, and our US military. I don’t think MOST Americans would throw democracy away to salute a dictator, no. We shall see. (?)